Last nights sermon was about how many of us wear masks in our lives.

I wear a mask.

Why? I'm not sure. He used the story of Mephibosheth and how he was dropped when he was a baby. How even though Meph was able to sit at the Kings table, he still bore the scars of being dropped. I have been dropped in my past, and I bear the scars of being dropped. He said that for some of us, other people's 'normal' is our miracle. For some, worshipping freely in church is normal, but it would be my miracle. Being able to speak in tongues on a frequent basis to some is normal, but for me...the times I am able to break through to that is so few and far between that it is a miracle for me.

My mask has become so common to me that I cannot hardly tell the difference in what is me and what I am hiding behind. Who am I? I don't know. I don't know what I fear if somebody saw me behind the mask. Am I afraid of the horribly disfigured person they would see? Am I afraid that they would be shocked in horror and run away? Would I be ashamed to see the scar that a few splinters in my past have caused? Or would I be shocked to realize that I'm not as disfigured as I think. Why do I struggle with things others seem to have to problem with? Why, when I go to church, do I struggle through my worship and never really feel God? Is it me? Some say it actually is not entirely me but a spirit in the church. Okay...fine, I can agree partially with that. However, aren't I worshipping GOD? Can't he reach past the issues in church and "fetch me" as the preacher said last night.

I am not living the life I want. I work, then I go to church and just HOPE that something will be different this time around. That maybe this will be the service where I find what I am looking for. Most services I walk away having barely felt God. Then on days when there is no church, I usually just do my errands then come back to my apartment. On the good days friends will call me to go out to hang with them...those are my favorite days.

I've heard that the young marrieds might be having a New Years Eve party. That would include all of my friends. However, not being married...I will not be included in this party. Not sure what I'll be doing for New Years Eve if this does happen. It would be nice if they didn't make it an "official" young marrieds deal and would invite me. They probably won't think about it though...although I did say in reply to the email that told me about this (a friend of mine had mentioned having a New Years party at her house and I was encouraging the idea, but then she told me about this possible party) I said "awwwww, but that means I won't be able to come if it's a Young Marrieds deal!!" So maybe it'll occur to her to perhaps see if I could come or something. I don't want to just invite myself ya know lol But I want to go for sure.

We had a message in tongues last night. I wish I could remember all that it said...if my friend gets online I'm going to maybe ask her. She was one of the ones who gave the "tongues" portion and she has told me that often she can understand the words that she is saying and can interpret it to herself. So she might have, in a way, gotten to hear it twice. Plus she probably just has a better memory then me. It went directly along with the sermon though, talked about how he is just waiting for us to put our hand in his. I wish this could be literally done...because I'm not entirely certain how to do it in the spiritual world. I mean, I think I do...but I don't see that anything has really happened as a result of it, so I'm not sure. I know I can't be the only one, but sometimes I feel like I struggle so much more with things that other people have no problems with. For instance, there is one person who I know (and I'm really not trying to judge here lol) I know she is doing things she shouldn't be doing on a regular basis. Yet when she comes to church she is able to worship and I hear her speaking in tongues. Is she able to repent and come through to the Holy Ghost every service? Where I, try to live the best I can during the week and can't hardly feel God? I don't understand that. I know some things we just aren't meant to understand though.

Preacher also said that some of us have gotten so close to the victory that we can smell the food on the table and that's when the devil kicks in and we get confused and lose our way. We get distressed because we no longer know which direction we are going in. I want to get the victory. More so, I need to get the Victory. I know I am not living the life God intended for me to live. He does not intend for me to go to church hoping for this to be the time I get what I need. He doesn't want the highlight of my week to be hanging out with my friends (not that there is anything wrong with that, I just mean that he means for me to have bigger things happening in my life) Not saying I need to be a missionary...but even right here in my own town working at the same job. He intends for me to have a better and more productive life. How do I get to that place? How do I find Him?

This post has been as much of a prayer as it has been just mere ramblings. This actually started out as a prayer and then I decided to post it. They are honest questions from me, asked to God who spoke to us last night saying that he wants to take my hand. He wants to take care of my scars and make my life better. I want for him to. I want for Him to take my hand and wipe my tears. I want him to use me and enrich my life...and help me to enrich somebody elses by showing them who He is.

But how?

I bought a PS2 Thursday night. I only bought it because I want to play Guitar Hero haha Only I haven't bought GH yet because I can't afford to buy both at the same time. Maybe in a couple of weeks I'll be able to get GH. I did get 5 used games though for really cheap. I might go today and return them for something else but I don't know, I have a lot to do today.

Last night was a blast. I worked until 6PM and then my friend's husband dropped her off to me, and we met 2 of the teen girls from our church at Red Lobster. Then we went shopping and ended up back at Burger King for milkshakes mainly because everything was closing but BK was opened until midnight. We left BK at pretty close to midnight. Leaving BK we saw a really bad wreck happen. The passenger girl got out and looked like she was about to throw up but instead she just collapsed on the ground. There was a drug bust or something going on across the street and so there was already about 4 cop cars over there, they all rushed over to the wreck scene to help out. Then I went to my friends house and we played Xbox for about an hour and a half then left. I got home about 2AM. It was sooo much fun and it made me sad to think they are leaving soon probably. After last night and how much the teen girls opened up to her it made me really want them not to leave. I think the girls are really starting to get comfortable with them and they opened up a LOT. It will be a shame for them to reach such a comfort level and then have to leave. Of course I know that they are likely to remain here hopefully until August which is another 8 months...but I know how quickly that will fly by. Oh well, it's all in God's hands. If He wants them to stay here, He will make a way or impress it on them to stay. It's just hard to accept when God does things that aren't what we want.

We have a preacher coming to our church tomorrow who we all love to pieces. He is married this time though so that'll be fun to see him married lol He's an awesome preacher though and I always love it when he comes.

I'm so ready for my church to totally bust loose. People talk like it's easy to have a move of God...but it's different in my church. Even our Youth leaders who came in from the outside say they can feel it. There is a hindering spirit in our church BIG time. They say they have a difficult time worhsipping the way they normally would. It's sort of a relief to know that because for YEARS I've wondered what was wrong with me. I might worship my heart out in church but not really feel God at all. I'm looking forward to Winter Retreat, I NEED Winter Retreat, I think we all do. We just need something away from our home church and the hindering spirit there. You see, I think there is a demon in our church. Honestly. I've seen it and others have too. I think it is the spirit of hinderance or something along those lines that has set up home there. Everyone feels it when they come in. Those of us who attend church there have grown accustomed to that feeling, but when new people come in they are shocked at how different the worship is and how hard it is to worship freely. We've literally seen it too. I've seen it on several occasions, it looks just like it's the shadow of a person walking by. When I've been downstairs I've seen it upstairs. Once when just 3 of us where at church 2 of us saw it walk by in the hallway. One person was praying at the altar and said he felt like something was flying above him circling him. At the time he didn't know about this thing that we see often, and after we told him about it, is when he told us about what he felt. He's our youth pastor so I know he wouldn't just make up a story. It's never when we are creeped out that we see it or anything...it's not like we are in an empty church and imagining things. It's when we are least expecting it. When 2 of us saw it at the exact same time at church once, we actually were practicing a skit and laughing a whole lot. When it walked by we both gasped at the exact same time and looked at each other. The question is, how to rid of it? It has managed to abide in our church for many years now. It is comfortable and will allow us to reach a certain level of worship without being worried but then after a few services we get shut down. Or we allow ourselves to be shut down I suppose. I know that God can take care of it...but why hasn't he?

I must have something to take place in our church. I have a very very hard time breaking through in the spirit. I don't know the last time I spoke in tongues was and I don't like that. If it is possible I have a very low spiritual self esteem. I want to feel God totally saturate me 100% and get a blessing unlike anything I ever have before in my life. I want to be changed. The question is...how? I try and try to break out of my comfort zone at church but it's very hard. I often am worshipping but not feeling God at all. My favorite worship song right now is "Draw me Close to You never let me go...I'd lay it all down again to hear you say that I'm your friend. You are my desire, no one else will do." That's my favorite line...'you are my desire, no one else will do' Because I want it to truly be how I feel. It's strange to me that there are some who have said they admire my walk with God. I hardly feel I have a walk with God. Not only do I feel like I stumble alot, but often I feel like I'm just sitting there not going anywhere. I hate feeling like that, I know God has more for me to do in life then what I'm doing now. I hate that I'm not fulfilling it. But I don't know how to. I thought that by the time I was 28 I would have things figured out, I felt like all the things I struggled with would have worked themselves out. But nope...I guess nobody ever really works out everything. But it seems I shouldn't let my church keep me from a move of God that I need, but how is that possible? I can't figure out how to bust out like I need to and want to. Is it really just a matter of me busting out, or can I really lay some of the blame on circumstances out of my control? Not that I'm trying to not take responsibility because I certainly could improve in my day to day stuff with God although lately I have been trying to talk to him a lot more as though he's just a friend I would call on the phone. Trying to bring him to the point of literally being my best friend...so that "no one else will do" It's hard though.

Yes I have new information. He got the job that I wanted him to get...lol They're going to ride out January and see how it works before they decide if they will actually remain at our church until August to finish up a year with the youth. Gonna be putting the house on the market in the next couple of months too and moving closer to there. Now that it's finalized I'm a little bit saddened...but it'll be okay. They'll only be an hour away at least for a little while. They're super nomadic and say that they would move once a year if they could and they nearly do actually. Lived in 3 cities in the last 4 years or something like that. I just won't look ahead to the next move after this quite yet even though it'll probably happen in about a year *laughing* Crazy people.

No word yet on whether my favorite fam will be getting the transfer I want them to get *lol* I'm thinking I might have a bit more information on this by the end of the night. I might not know a definate answer, but I should find out something more about it. They told me last night what city they would likely move to and it is only 74 miles from where I live. That's the job he prefers to have due to some other job related issues. It's the job I want him to have first of all b/c it's the one he wants, and secondly because they'd still be close to me *lol* Currently they do not live in my city they live 25 minutes away which I drive to whenever I'm off work during the week to eat lunch with them or whatever. The New City they would live in is only a little over an hour away. So really, I'd just be adding about 40 minutes to my current drive time. I can handle that. I'm accustomed to having my friends live an hour or two away from me and driving to see them every weekend lol So that job would make me happy. Plus they are planning to attend a big church if they move there, so I'd also get to visit their church LOTS and LOTS and probably meet new people which would be awesome too. This time around I'm actually excited about them moving (especially if they're still pretty close) because I know I'll get to see them a lot still and meet new people at the same time. Hey she just got online, maybe she'll message me with new information =)

Well, we thought that my favorite family was not going to have to move. But it's looking poorly again. However I find myself not being nearly as upset this time as I was a month ago when we thought they were having to move away. I mean, she's still my best friend and they are still my favorite family, but this time I just feel different. I mean, they might not have to move right away, but pretty much it boils down to this. They will either be leaving in about 3 weeks or in 8 months. Those are the only two options. If he gets the job that we originally thought was his, then they will probably stay until next August which will put them completing one year as youth leaders, and then they will move closer to his job at that New City (until that time he'll be driving 1 hour and 10 minutes to work every day) and they will also change churches to be closer to everything. If he does not get the job in that city, then they will have to move further away. The options currently are one city is 2 hours away, one is about 3.5 hours away and one is 8 hours away. The 8 hour away one is probably not going to be the one they choose because it is where they moved here from and they don't really want to go back there just yet. So, knocking that one out, the job we thought he would get which will put them here until August will make them only about 1.5 hours from here. Oh yeah and there is one more that is 5 hours away. I'm hoping obviously for either the job that is 1.5 hours away or the 3 hour away one. Close enough that I can go down on a Saturday morning and either come home on Saturday night or stay the night for church and come home on Sunday afternoon. But they will either be gone in about one month or 8 months that much is a certainty. Crossing my fingers for the 8 month one b/c then I'll get to keep them here for another 8 months AND they'll only end up 1.5 hours from me!!

Gotta go back to work =)

I was so pleased with myself. I prepared chicken fajita's and had chips and monteray salsa dip. And it was quite tasty. However, it's been about 20 minutes since I ate and my stomach is rollin' down the river. I might end up not being so proud of my fajita dinner.

Tomorrow will be the busiest day of my Christmas Season. At 9:30 I am to be at our largest local church's youth center and we will kick off the annual christmas party we throw for Foster Kids. This will be, I believe, my 5th year to do it. What happens is: We arrive, get paired up with our kid for the day, then for a couple of hours we get to just hang. Inside the youth center are basketball courts, rock climbing wall, pool tables, video games, arcade games, and there will be a couple of movies playing. Then pizza and ice cream will arrive and we will eat. Then there is a bit more time to play some more, then we head to Walmart. There the kids will be given $150 to spend. They'll have about an hour to wander around Walmart and spend their money. Seeing as I have a 13 year old boy tomorrow I'm thinking he'll have no problems spending his money. Then our day is over at apx 3PM. I will leave, come home rest for awhile, then have to get dressed for my work Christmas party which I think starts at 6:30. I should probably check my email to make sure I know what time haha Okay I checked it and I was correct.

So moral of the story: Tomorrow will be my busiest day of the month =)

Oh yeah. I think the blonde guy from the Alltell commercials is cute.

Good Lord in Heaven Above. It's Cold.

Alright so here's the deal.

I PASSED ACCOUNTING WITH A 71% THAT'S a C!!!!! OHhh yes. I'm so happy.

Also, I went to sell the book back today. I paid $160 for the book and was hoping to get $50 out of it. I had looked it up online last night and saw that $33 was all that was being paid back for it. So I took a leap and prayed that I would get at least $50. So I went today and they told me they could give me $30 for it. They said "do you want to sell it at that?" I was like umm...what other options do I have other then not selling it at all? He said, "You could try across the street" across the street from the college is another college bookstore that is not affiliated with the school. So...I went over there. They gave me $65 for my book!!! Oh yes. God is good.

I need to go back out to the store. I know I know, since it's so cold I should have just went on my way home from work. However on Fridays during December we are having to wear Santa hats. It was big time itching my head by the time I got off and underneath I have super mega hat hair. So, I decided to come home, warm up a bit, take a shower, THEN go back to the store lol

They told us today that they are putting a ban on internet usage at work. I'm not sure how that's going to affect me lol I don't *think* I get online a whole lot at work. Mainly if I do it's getting on EC and using it for email. But I might more then I realize. I suppose I'll find out once I can't use it haha Now if I was still working at the plant office that would KILL me cause we would be sooo ssllloowww sometimes out there. But at my new branch, I stay pretty busy, so other then EC and checking news sites (which, after a couple of weeks I'll probably start sneaking news sites back in)

Oh man, Mean Girls comes on at 8PM. It's 6:30 now, that means I need to get a move on so that I can be back home in time to watch it!! Gotta run!!

I'm watching a movie with an extreme hottie playing one of the main characters. Please excuse me while I stop blogging very early to find out his name *tick* *tock* Okay, it's Bobby Cannavale, and the pictures I could find online did not do him quite the justice that this movie I am watching does.

My accounting class is OVER!!!! And, I'm pleased to say, that there is an extremely good chance that I managed to scrape a C. She gave us a card tonight with our current points along with how many points she gave us for class participation which I managed to get 25 points (the max was 25 points so that's good) Since half the class dropped out, I would imagine those of us who stuck around did get the full points on that. According to my calculations I only have to get a 68% on tonights test to get a C. I've been averaging between 70 and 75% on my tests. However tonights was strictly multiple choice which is an area where I totally rule. I would say that I easily got an 80% on tonights test which would give me the desired grade which ALSO means that I'll get reimbursed for 80% of this class from my work. YEAHHH in celebration I treated myself to $7.00 Chicken Lo Mein *yum* I don't normally spend that much money on take out, but tonight was special.

Now that my hard class is over (I still have my final in Intro to Business next week, but I currently have an 'A' in that class, so no worries there) my mind is free to entertain the possibility of taking more classes next semester. Probably only one due to money issues. But I just had not been able to even THINK about next semester until I finished with accounting. I would like to take something that isn't so concrete. Like maybe Sociology or something like that. I don't know what classes I still need, so I'll have to look it up and see what I can take that would be more fun then accounting. I can tell you one thing, I am changing my degree to something in business that only requires me to take ONE accounting class and preferably no more math then perhaps Business Math. I would love it if I never have to take algebra again too, since my last effort in Algebra I failed it. Although there was a guy tonight in my class who said this was his 3rd attempt to pass Accounting. Talk about persistent. The teacher said that it paid off because she could see that he had no problems this semester. I think he is working towards his Masters and only needed to pass accounting before he could move on. Sounds like he did it this time.

It's so cold.

I haven't weighed in forever...but I can wear some size 8's now. I was a 14 almost size 16 one year ago. Today I am nearly a size 8. Wow. I'm not even trying to lose weight now, it's just happening on it's own. I still eat junk lol I just can't eat as much of it. My stomach has shrunk big time and I just simply cannot finish the portions I once could. For instance, I went to McD's last night after church and got a quarter pound meal. I hate about half the burger regular, but I got tired of it so I picked all the bread off and ate about half of the remaining meat, and I only ate maybe half of my fries before I gave them away. A year ago I could have eaten the whole thing easily. It's been nice, although most of the time I still look in the mirror and don't notice a difference. Just when I put on clothes only to be shocked to find them hanging off of me haha

Speaking of, I borrowed a skirt from my mom to wear to my work Christmas party Saturday night, I need to see if it fits me. Normally I would borrow from my sister, but ummm...she weighs more then I do now by about 30 pounds lol Okay I'm back. It does fit. I'm wearing a pink sweater and a black knee length skirt with my new very swank black knee boots Friday night. I shall be a hottie. I will probably curl my hair to *hopefully* wear it up and sort of funky. However when I WANT my hair to be funky all I can ever do is make it look like a normal pentecostal hairdo lol But last night for church, it was sort of funky. If I can make it look like it did last night then I'll be happy. If I get any compliments on my outfit I just might have to make that my Friday night outfit for Winter Retreat, but we'll have to see about that. Maybe my Saturday outfit. Friday night I might wear my suit that is apx this color and a size 8. haha Not that I would get to tell anybody that except those who happen to be in my room when I pull it out. Thankfully they all realize that I am *not* boasting, I'm always just forever shocked that I can wear that size.

I need to get my eyebrows waxed. How come I didn't think of that over the last two sets of Monday and Tuesdays that I was off work? I'm not very bright.

I realized yesterday that I have not been engaging and interacting with the children at church like I once did. So last night, I played with them both before church and after church. I had forgotten how good it made me feel to make them laugh and to see their eyes light up. Children who have started coming in the time period since I had forgotten how to play, I stopped and messed with them last night. Even the parents were laughing...and I had never really talked to those particular parents before. I just can't believe I had let myself forget how much I love all the kids.

I got off for Winter Retreat WOOHOO which is amazing actually because I am currently the one being picked on by my boss. She rotates on who is the one she puts under her microscope and this week it is me. I got in trouble for stuff I did not know was even my responsibility. She claims she had asked me to take care of it several times during November which I personally do not recall. Generally when she tells me to jump I ask how high. So I doubt highly that I simply ignored her requests last month. I heard that while I was gone on vacation it was our Asst Branch manager who was under the microscope b/c she got written up for "not doing enough" lol Ahhhh gotta love work!!!! Speaking of which, I need to leave for it because my lunch time is now over =)

We casually were talking tonight after church about me being pregnant. I am not pregnant. However, how funny if somebody picked up on it and the rumor starts going around. Quite funny if you ask me =)

Today was good, I worked and then had church, and then went to McDonalds with some of my favorite people which is always super fun.

I think Will Smith's new movie The Pursuit of Happyness sounds like a great movie...random moment there but they just advertised it.

I hated my hair all day at work today. As I always hate my hair whenever I get the urge to wear it straight. So when I got home I curled it up all nice and fixed it up for church. I rarely curl my hair, I usually just wear it permy (well, I haven't had a perm in several years but my hair I think is permanently curly from them haha) But I curled it all up and everyone at church loved it.

I want to go to Winter Retreat, I only hope I can get off work for it. I turned in my vacation request form today but I did not hear back from her. My boss panics big time when anybody asks off for work. I'm not sure why, it's like she thinks the world is going to collapse because we are one person short for a day. She better get used to it from me because next year I have got 4 weeks of vacation coming to me, so she'll be getting lots of those request forms with my name on it. I noted on the paper that it was a church conference that I wanted to go to, so hopefully to sway her into letting me go *crosses fingers* You know what...I haven't even asked God to help me get the day off, and that's bad!! Let me stop and do that right now. Okay, I did =)

You know how one is supposed to pray before church? Well in my church that is nearly impossible as the sanctuary is usually loudish and that's where we pray before service. Tonight however I decided to go upstairs to an unused Sunday School room, left the light out so that nobody would come up there to turn the light out. It was quite lovely!! It was quiet and I couldn't hear any of the chatter from downstairs. I think I'm going to start making that my very own prayer room from here on out.

I love these three day weeks, Today was Monday, tomorrow is Wednesday and the next day is Friday *lol* Fantastic!!

I don't like when I am feeling a certain way, or thinking certain thoughts that I know are immature lol But that's where I am today and I will talk about it here only because I would never want anyone to know that it actually hurt my feelings because it's silly, and the hurt feelings won't last long at all, this much I know from experience.

I took yesterday and today off and really wanted to spend it with my best girlfriend Lee. Yesterday her husband took off work as well and her son was sickly, therefore we did not hang out. I was holding out hope today that I would get to hang out (at least for lunch) but she hasn't called me today at all and it's 3:04PM. I called her earlier and left her a voice mail though. I think what irritates me the most about this situation...is me lol I know full well that the MOMENT she either calls me, messages me on MSN, or sends me an email I will be 100% okay again. But for now, I'm just dissapointed that I didn't get to spend the day with her. Not that we would have done anything magnificent. Probably just went to Burger King then back to the house to watch tv or something like that. If I went over there I know the kids would have had school (they are homeschooled) so I had planned to take my own school work with me to work on it while they did their work. Sometimes I do wish I didn't feel things so strongly. I wish that it was indifference to me if she had called me or not. Although I will say these words, I will only wish I meant them. I will say "Oh it's okay, I knew if you called me we would hang out, and if you didn't call me, no big deal I had some school work to get done anyway" Instead what I want to say is..."I really wish you would have called me today, I wanted to hang out so badly with you even if we did nothing at all. I don't think you understand how much I enjoy spending time with you and the kids" The goofy thing, is that right now I'm incredibly dissapointed that I haven't heard from her, as I said, the moment I do hear from her it was all fade away and I will no longer feel any of it. I wish I could skip to the place where I don't feel any of it *lol*

So for today...I've been pretty bored. Haven't done much at all, haven't seen anybody I actually haven't talked to anybody either *lol* Tuesday nights tends to be our "family nights" to a particular restaurant though (family would include Lee and the fam, and another family in our church, and occasionally a few more random people come trickling in as well) Whether or not that is going on tonight I do not know...I hope so, it would be a great way to end my otherwise boring day =)

...whatever you have to do to me, don't let me be lost for eternity. Above all else, I must be saved...

What seperates me?

What seperates me from living the way I know I should? What seperates me from worshipping the way my heart truely desires to worship? What am I allowing to seperate me from the way God wants to use my life? I'm convinced that whatever it is, it's not important enough for me to allow it to continue to seperate me. I don't know what God has planned for my life if I will give it totally to Him. I know that what I'm doing right now cannot be all of it. Anybody that God ever truly used had incredible impact on people. Not that they all became great missionaries or great preachers. But they had great impact on the people surrounding them. I've never led anybody to Jesus. That alone is enough to allow me to know that I am not fulfilling God's will for my life.

More importantly, I go back to my first question. What seperates me? Unfortunately I believe it is merely laziness. I think about praying during the week, and then I don't. I think about studying the bible during the week, and then I don't. I often times (and it shames me to admit this) go the entire week and barely even give God more then a passing thought. Then I find myself on my knees in prayer every Sunday asking for forgiveness wondering in my heart if I really mean it, since I am pretty certain that next Sunday I will find myself in the exact same position. Every week I intend to change, and every week I do not. Oh I have some weeks where I do really good...but then after a few good weeks I slip back into complacancy. And I know that we will have ups and downs, but I feel my ups and downs are brought on by me and not by God.

So...what seperates me?

Alright, so here's my situation this morning. It's Sunday morning right? I woke up and thought, man, for some reason I feel like it's later then what it should be. But I set my alarm for 8:30 so I should be okay cause it hasn't gone off yet. I couldn't go back to sleep because the thought kept bugging me that it was awfully bright outside. So I rolled over to look at the clock and *gasp* It was 10:05!!! Church started 5 minutes ago. THANKFULLY I was not teaching this morning. It's currently 10:30 and yes I'm still at home in my pj's. No I'm not skipping out on church, it's just that we are one of those weird churches that has two services on Sunday. We have Sunday School and then we turn around and have singing, preaching, and altar call. That will start at apx 10:50. So I'm going to get to church about 5 minutes before classes let out so that I will just slip into the sanctuary when Sunday School lets out and nobody will be any the wiser that I was late. I can't remember the last time I made a blunder like this. I'm not to worried about it though...I'd SO much rather it happen for church than for work. My boss isn't nearly as understanding as God is ya know. Have a happy Sunday!

Okay, confession time. Since nobody that I know in real life even knows about my new blog...I'll be down right honest =)

I want to get married and I want to have kids. Not eventually, or somewhere down the road in life. I'm 28 years old and I'm starting to feel like I want to settle down this part of my life. I feel like a whole new life will open up when that happens and quite honestly I think I'm ready for it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not pining away or anything like that. But small things happen that make me want to be married. For instance...tonight was the Christmas parade. It would have nice to have somebody to go with, to have my own children to take, to enjoy it with them. The problem now is...how on earth to remedy this? I've had a million different pieces of advice given to me on this subject most of which I just let roll over me due to the fact that I'm to shy to carry out most of what they have advised me to do lol

So the question for the day is:

I want to get married...now what?

It's just rhetorical =) Something for me to think about.

Ahhh a new blog. Why you wonder? I didn't mind others reading my blog in the least. However someone had started reading it and making assumptions about me and telling others. Such as, I do vent a lot in my blog and the person decided that I needed to lighten up and enjoy life. They said other things too which I won't bother with putting here =) They were just not correct, I do enjoy life although I do vent a lot in my blog. As I've said before it's often the only place that I vent. I don't worry others with my petty complaints. I write them here and then they are gone. So anyway...

Thanksgiving was alright. We went to Florida. It was very warm there during the day but pretty cold there at night. Thursday night we drove to the beach which took about 2 hours and it was dusk by the time we got there. It was also VERY cold there in Daytona. We didn't stay long since also none of the shops were open. But at least I could say that I did make it to the beach while I was there lol Friday morning my cousin MB who is 6 years old woke me up at 5AM screaming at the dog. I managed to tune her out, but only after she went away from the door to my bedroom to the other end of the house to scream at him. Friday we went to Orlando to shop and jazz. Saturday me, my sister, and both of my cousins went to Gainesville to shop then Saturday night we went back to Orlando to eat at Arabian Nights which is along the lines of Dixie Stampede. My dad and Uncle both paid for my gma's and my cousins tickets to it, and I thought it was a bit rude that afterwards all my gma could talk about was how Dixie Stampede is so much better. The food is better and the show is better. Which...it's true. But when somebody pays for your way into something you don't down it once your out and talk about how you've had better. You just say thank you and keep your opinions to yourself. I found myself saying "Well, *I* liked the food, *I* liked the show" Just to get her to hush up about it lol Sunday morning we left to come back home and got home around 11:15PM I was QUITE happy to sleep in my own bed. Then I was off Monday and Tuesday...worked Wed-Friday and it's Saturday now. Hard to believe one week ago I was in Gainesville wishing I was at home haha However I am off again on Monday and Tuesday. It's nice to have a 4 day weekend with nothing special to do. If I would have had money I might have seen about going somewhere again but after spending all my money in Florida last week I'm pretty well broke!! haha

I did find out yesterday (although it's technically top secret information) that everyone in my department will be getting 6% raises starting January. That'll be .55 cents more per hour. Not to bad ya know. I'd like to be making about $15 or $16 an hour but around here that's hardly possible. So for now I'll just be happy with my measley $9.66 or at least that's what it'll be after January. They say there are other areas in the country that make more money but everything costs just about the same. It's tempting to go to those places lol Ahhh well.

Okay, so that's all for now...I will post more later. I will certainly post more often now that I have moved it. I wasn't posting for awhile just because I didn't want to add fuel to the persons fire who had been reading my blog.